My Evolution from Allison Reynolds to Claire Standish

I turned forty last fall. Wow. How did that happen? A few days afterwards at work a patron was obviously trying to flirt me into waiving his fine, but I refused with the most charming smile on my face. He smiled big and winked at me. "You're a tough old broad." I laughed with him and said, "Thank you."

It's hard to believe I am no longer the meek little girl who hid from strangers in the grocery check out line under her mother's fake fur coats. Or the weird Ally Sheedy-esque teenager who hid her insecure body under my mom's hand-me-down coats in a big fashion FU to 80s-era affluent culture. When I was a shy teenager, I couldn't even call in a pizza. My mom forced me to do it when I was about thirteen. I was practically in tears. But I did it. And then I couldn't even remember why I felt so weird about it before. I wanted to call in all the pizzas after that.

When old guys would hit on me when I was young, it creeped me out and all I could do was ignore them. I don't remember much from French class, but the one phrase I'll never forget is "l'esprit d'escalier". I could always think of a good comeback after the creep had left, but while they were staring at my body, I became instantly mute. I'd wish I had less chest and more guts to tell the old creeps off, or even better yet, to not give a shit what they thought about me.

The other day one of my new colleagues at work and I were talking about who we were most like from "The Breakfast Club" back in high school. He guessed I had been the Molly Ringwald character. I laughed so loudly a couple of patrons shushed me. "No way, I was totally the Alley Sheedy character, pre-makeover at the end of the movie." He didn't believe me. "You're so cheery and friendly," he argued. I rolled my eyes, "Who me?" Then it suddenly hit me that it is no longer 1985 and I have changed quite a bit over the years.

It's funny how no matter how I evolve or how I present myself today, I still feel like the weirdo I once was and I'm surprised to see what a tough old broad I've become.